…Embracing the unconventional in you…

One of our most basic needs as humans is to have a sense of belonging, to fit in somewhere – to something – and with someone.  Countless studies have been done on human nature to prove this, but we really don’t need studies to be convinced that this is true simply because we have all experienced it.

Recently I realized something about myself that I had never considered. I guess you could call it some sort of an epiphany. 

I have been a square peg trying to fit into a round hole in certain aspects of my life and have tried to conform myself to certain molds that I just don’t fit. 

Everyone wants to find their fit – where we belong and who we belong to.

I think most people, if not all, can identify with this sentiment.  It starts when we are very young in age and are just simply trying to “fit in”.  It’s usually not a conscious effort to try and fit some kind of mold that you already know you don’t fit; It’s a natural thing, done by trial and error.  Everyone wants to find their fit – where we belong and who we belong to.  It’s where we find acceptance, kinship and purpose.  But then you realize you are an outlier. You actually really don’t fit. Certainly not neatly.  And you realize you aren’t part of the club or you aren’t the company man you thought you were. 

The real problem is when a square peg has convinced itself that it IS a round circle and it tries unsuccessfully to conform to that shape. 

The problem isn’t that we are square pegs trying to fit into round holes. The real problem is when a square peg has convinced itself that it IS a round circle and it tries unsuccessfully to conform to that shape.  This has been true of me.  There have been situations in my life where I didn’t seem to fit, at least not comfortably, but I’d convinced myself that I really did fit. It’s like forcing a puzzle piece into a puzzle where it really doesn’t belong.  The color and shape seems to match, and from a distance it can look like the right piece, but up close it’s clearly not a fit. And not only can it leave you feeling inadequate, but also leave you with a sense of shame, guilt, failure and frustration. 

There have been many times in my life where I was quite convinced I fit a certain type of mold – literally like a square peg convinced that it’s actually round.  And even when it became clear I wasn’t that shape, I would continue to try to convince myself that I indeed was (that shape) and that I just needed to conform myself better.  

It was my fault. My failure. My inadequacy.   

Two of those areas in my life have to do with work and ministry. 

My career at UPS all through my 20s and early 30s is one example of several.  I was in management and had decided to make a career of it. I wanted to be the “company man” who had the business prowess to succeed in the corporate world.  That was me.  Or at least I wanted it to be. But I wrestled with a style of management that my particular personality, values, and skill set didn’t quite line up with.  I needed to be the cut throat, thick-skinned type of manager who could say “you’re fired” with little to no feeling.   When I was criticized by peers and upper management in the company for being too nice, I realized that I was a square peg in a round hole.  I didn’t  fault the company as I wasn’t truly the right fit for them.  Needless to say, my career did not last until retirement and I left on my own terms. 

I felt like an outlier in certain ministry contexts.

Being a square peg was even more evident in my Christian ministry life.  I thought I fit the mold for full time vocational ministry – something I desperately wanted to fit.  From the time I became a Christian at 18 years old I felt the inner “call” to something – Someone, far greater than myself.  The desire to serve Christ with my life overshadowed everything else, and it still does.  So the natural answer to this “call” was to make a religious career of full time vocational ministry.  That’s the way it’s supposed to be done, right? At least that’s what I was told.  The conventional pathway to make this happen seemed to elude me. Or more likely – I eluded it.  I felt like an outlier in certain ministry contexts.  It wasn’t the actual “ministering” to people where I felt that way – I was in full engagement mode with that.  It was a combination of the structure and the mindset of a particular approach to how it’s actually lived out in the context of the institutional church that just didn’t fit.  For example: am I full time or part time? Paid or volunteer? Bivocational or self supported?  Clergy or laity?  We seem to make this matter more than it should.  

This is in no way to minimize nor to discount the value of time that someone in full time vocational ministry can contribute. There can be a definite advantage for those being served and I know many who faithfully fulfill that particular role. But I would question if it is more effective in terms of actual ministering to others, especially in light of the reality that most ministry happens outside of the church walls, in the trenches of everyday life. Certainly there are specific roles within the church that some are called to, many of whom I know, where being vocational and renumeration is necessary and appropriate. But to classify these roles as clergy/laity based upon vocation and remuneration is not only unbiblical, it also serves to give status to one over the other. For full disclosure purposes, let me just say that I am a full time intentionally self supported volunteer that’s ordained to the pastorate in my denomination. And yea I have a “clergy” card to go with that. But does that really matter where it comes to actually heralding the gospel and doing good works to help others in the name of Christ? I’d say emphatically – no.

…our ministry can manifest in diverse forms and styles

My point is that as Christians, we share a common calling to minister (help,serve) to others using our gifts and resources, and our ministry can manifest in diverse forms and styles. Far too many Christians think that ministry should be initiated by the “paid professionals” (sarcasm).  Categorizing individuals into clergy and laity, whether they are paid or volunteer, can unintentionally create an atmosphere of exclusivity and elitism that can easily alienate some of the most authentic and qualified (by the grace of God) individuals.  

Instead of conforming to the conventional methods, David chose to rely on what he knew best

As much as I had tried the conventional route, I just did not fit the mold. And I’m not alone.  We see examples in scripture of square pegs who didn’t conform to a shape that wasn’t theirs.  Consider the story of David and Goliath found in the First Book of Samuel.  This is a classic example of someone who didn’t conform to what was conventional.  David had his own unique approach.  The youngest of Jesse’s sons, David was not a trained warrior like his brothers, but he certainly had his own strengths and skills.  When faced with the giant Goliath, King Saul offered David his armor to wear in battle. However, the armor was too large and cumbersome for David. Instead of conforming to the conventional methods, David chose to rely on what he knew best—a sling and five smooth stones. His unconventional approach won the battle.  

The early disciples did not fit the mold either.  In fact, they would have been the least considered for the role to be disciples of our Lord, who was Himself an outlier and didn’t fit the mold cut out for him by the religious elites.  Yet, Jesus chose these particular men by design.  The apostle Paul makes this clear for subsequent disciples when he says to the Corinthians, “For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise“ (1 Corinthians 1:26–27). To put it plainly, there’s no room for pride and self reliance in God’s economy. God chooses to use the humble, irrespective of their social status and recognition.  

Im not talking about clearly stated biblical matters, as if to give license for anyone to live outside of the moral parameters God has set forth in the Bible.

To interject a caveat here, I’m not talking about clearly stated biblical matters, as if to give license for anyone to live outside of the moral parameters God has set forth in the Bible. Scripture teaches that Christians are to be “conformed” to the image of Christ, and not to be conformed to the patterns of the world (Romans 8:29, Romans 12:2).  It can often be uncomfortable when God sanctifies the believer – chipping away sinful and needless things in their lives.   It’s the process of sanctification wrought by the Holy Spirit to make Christ followers more like Him.   Being molded into His image and conforming to His word is a good and righteous type of conformity, and every Christian should welcome that. 

What I’m addressing here is a more secondary matter, one rooted in individual personality, preference, or what I like to refer to as our personal ‘wiring’ or ‘DNA.’  Things that don’t run counter to Gods objective word.  God created us all DIFFERENTLY, and what a marvelous testimony that is to His diversity and His creativity.  As image bearers of God, we possess the freedom to express the distinct personalities bestowed upon us, serving as a testament to His glory. And this uniqueness is evident in how we carry out the work and ministries given to us by God.  

So whether you find yourself as a square peg, a round hole, or somewhere in between, recognize that God has intricately designed you to mirror His glory.  For those who feel held back simply because your individual style and gifting doesn’t align with conventional molds – whether it be in a church, work, or social context – attempting to force yourself into a shape that doesn’t suit you not only does a disservice to you, but to God who wants to use your unique shape to accomplish His purposes. 

Embracing your unique design may not follow the conventional path, but it opens the door for God to reveal extraordinary possibilities through you.